So there is this little old lady sitting next to us on the train to Inverness. She’s adorable. I don’t know if old people are supposed to be adorable but she is. She has the cutest accent and asked us if we were twins. “No” we responded. “Sisters?” “No, just friends, but we get asked that every once in a while.” “Oh, well you’re both very beautiful.”
So late last night (sarcasm), roomie and I went to bed early @ 10pm– we’re very proud of that. To our happiness we returned to an empty room at the hostel again. It’s a room for 12 but once again we were the only ones in it. We immediately went to bed thinking lovingly of all of the beautiful hours of sleep we were going to get (ha! as if with that smell of weed!). All was well and quiet until heavy breathing woke me up. Now usually both roomie and I are heavy sleeper after a night of drinking, which that night had been. It was 2am and the “Jumbo” bed was rocking. It was creaking very loudly and moaning soon followed. Yes! 2 people shared this small top bunk with one shitty flat pillow and sheets the colour of a dirty Barney. How romantic! OK, needless to say the moaning continues followed by “baby oh baby.” Soon they got louder and louder, “fuck me! Baby oh baby! Fuck me. Fuck me. Oh fuck!” The girl’s constant moaning was high, breathy, and annoying as hell… just like that damn energizer rabbit it just never stopped. He was relatively quiet I thought, but then again that could just be because I was so pissed at how loud she was. So this continues for a really really really long time. I try the whole time to get back to sleep, but they are just so loud! I hear shifting beneath my bed… Thank God roomie is awake too! Soon the moans and talking become interspersed with French. It made me wonder. All I can figure is that at least one of them is not native to France because otherwise why used English at all? They both spoke French, but not the whole time. But I digress…. Soon we hear the annoying kiss smacking sound followed by some French words which I was happy I could not understand. Then they stopped and the bed goes quiet, and I suddenly have this glimmer of hope that I will get to sleep.
So when they started speaking in French I was actually relieved. I know French – well i learned in in high school but I dont know it well, not at all. So I was a little relieved because I wouldn’t know what they were saying. Well, either my high school teacher taught me more than I thought or they were sticking to very crude basic conversational French. Sure I can speak French but “me baisais” (fuck me) is pretty easy to understand. Then he goes “Je tres fatigue…” (I am very tired) very quietly. “You’re tiring me” with a short quiet laugh. “I should go.” ”Non,” she says, “ne sorti pas” I laugh to myself. Her tone compared to his… suggests he may have been satisfied during their fun… but she had not yet reached that point…. 
She wanted him to stick around til she did. So they go at it for a bit more. Then the guy asked if she liked him in English and she didn’t really answer I don’t think he thought she fully understood because he then asked in French “Tu m’aime…?” (You like me…?) “Que? Quoi?” (What? Why?) “Parce que nous….” (Because we…) and he drifts off mid-sentence, but then in english again, “Do you like me?” She is silent. He asks again, “Do you like me? It’s a yes or no. That’s all I need.” She moans but doesn’t really answer. Then he insists on an answer one more time, and she goes, “uhuhmmm.” Now any girl knows that answer is most definitely NO but guys are a little less intelligent. So I’m thinking why the hell is she having sex with him and she doesn’t even like him. Oh, it gets worse. “Do you like me?” he repeats. Finally she responds, “You’re the one who crawled into my bed. I don’t even know you!” At this point he seems to have kinda gotten the message and seems to be crawling out of bed to leave. “Non, ne me sorti pas.” (No, don’t leave me.) “Quoi?” (Why?) “Don’t leave.” At this point – dissed by the girl he’s just had sex with I felt him notice Christy and my presence in the room – directly across from their bunk. Fear strikes me. Yes fear, I know how silly that sounds. I had wanted to say “Shut up! Trying to sleep here.” For a while, but I had this sudden image in my mind of him striding over to our bunks and brandishing a knife. It was a shady hostel. Too sketch. I actually feared him. I mean if he’s just climb in bed with some random girl once… So here I am a complete chicken fearing for my safety (and plotting our escape: I thought of the fact that if he did come over, my bed was just at the right height that I could swing my legs over and kick him in the face and then we could run for the hall. Sad isn’t it. I think the weed got to me.) when I hear the bed creaking meaning that he was climbing back into bed again. Back in bed leads to more of that annoying fake sounding moaning from that damn girl again. Thank God for roomie. “Will you two shut the fuck up!? Some of us have to get up in 3 hours!” (I think that’s what she said.)
Now they were shocked (I think) that we were still awake but they went quiet… for about 10 minutes. Then they just moaned quieter. Yes, I do believe 10 minutes was just about how long they were quiet. Then it was more, although a bit quieter, “Je te fais dans…” and ”Dieu!!” etc… and more heavy breathing of course. Omg. I’m trying to sleep! Honestly, at the time when I first initially woke up to these sounds I thought it was kinda funny and just another proof how just how sketch this hostel was. But add to that my allergies and all you have is a very fed up girl who wants some damn sleep! I was sooo grateful that roomie spoke up because it meant I didn’t have to. I eventually got some zzz’s as I lay there pretending it wasn’t happening. All I know is there was roomie suddenly punching me awake this morning “girl! My alarm didn’t go off! It’s 10:30!” or something like that. So now we are sitting aboard the train to Inverness en route to Loch Ness and writing our story on the adverts in the newspaper.
